


New Message

by ObsidianJade



Category: Bon Jovi
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, E-mail/message fic, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-02
Updated: 2012-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-30 12:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianJade/pseuds/ObsidianJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jon is five, Tico is traumatized, Richie can't get any work done, and David should stay off the Internet.  Utter crack!</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Message

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I am inspired by pictures and random discussion on the boards. The picture in question is [here](http://i42.tinypic.com/25875kz.jpg) , and the discussion ran that Jon's expression was less 'I love my wife' and more 'hey i iz touchin her!'. I commented that 'he may be turning 50, but sometimes I think the zero is in there by mistake.' 
> 
> And then my Muse had a seizure or something and I wound up with this. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, David Bryan, Tico Torres, and Luke Ebbin (I think this might be Luke's first fanfiction mention??) are all real people and property of themselves. No harm or ill will is intended or implied by the writing of this work (although some sanity is placed at risk) and no profit is made. 
> 
> This is written from Jon's end. For anyone who doesn't know, Lemma is David, Hitman is Tico (a nickname that dates back to the 70s), and Dean is Richie, as his and Jon's nicknames for one another are Frank and Dean, after Sinatra and Martin. Luke Ebbin is the producer currently working with Richie on Richie's new solo album. And 'the forums' Dave mentions are my second home, the Bon Jovi RPS forums, because my headcanon for Dave is that he's a hopeless J/R slash fan, and the guys all know and nobody really gives a flying rat's arse.

_______________________________________________________________________________

NEW MESSAGE

_____________________________________________________________________________ 

_From: Lemma To: You 11:25a.m._  
Hey Jon! You're five!

 _To: Lemma 11:26a.m._  
Fuck you very much too, Lemma. What's that for?

 _From: Lemma To: You 11:27a.m._  
I didn't say it. Jade did.

 _To: Lemma 11:27a.m._  
Who the fuck is Jade?

 _From: Lemma To: You 11:28a.m._  
Some chick on the Forums.

 _To: Dean, Hitman 11:29a.m._  
Lemma's on the forums again.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean 11:29a.m._  
Oh, hell.

 _From: Dean To: You, Hitman 11:29a.m._  
Greeeaaaat.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:31a.m._  
I know you're talking about me. My ears are burning.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:33a.m._  
Shouldn't that be your fingers burning?

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:34a.m._  
Oh, a drum droll! How quaint.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:34a.m._  
Anyway, why am I five?

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:36a.m._  
Oh, that picture where you're porking Dot in the Soul Kitchen.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:36a.m._  
WHAT?!

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:38a.m._  
Isn't that a Health Code violation?

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:38a.m._  
Sorry. Autocorrect. Meant patting.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:39a.m._  
Autocorrect my ass.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:40a.m._  
You're not my type. I'm sure Richie would be glad to autocorrect your ass, though.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:40a.m._  
LEMMA!

 _From: Dean To: You, Hitman, Lemma 11:41a.m._  
Can't correct perfection, Dave.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:41a.m._  
Jesus, my eyes.

 _From: Dean To: You, Hitman, Lemma 11:42a.m._  
Much as I'd love to do this, guys, I am trying to work here.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:44a.m._  
Sorry, Rich. We'll let you go. Dave, stay off the Internet.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:45a.m._  
But I'm bored!

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:45a.m._  
Now who's five?

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:46a.m._  
Don't take that tone with me, young'un.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:48a.m._  
Dave, go write another play if you're that bored.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:49a.m._  
At least you didn't suggest I take up golf.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:51a.m._  
I know better than to trust you around projectile objects.

 _From: Dean To: You, Hitman, Lemma 11:51a.m._  
Duck!

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:52a.m._  
Goose, you mean.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman 11:53a.m._  
So that's how Richie hits those high notes.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:54a.m._  
I'm leaving now.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma 11:54a.m._  
Fuck off, Dave.

 _From: Dean To: You, Hitman, Lemma 11:54a.m._  
Can it, Rashbaum.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma 11:55a.m._  
Dave, go harass the internet more if you're bored.

 _From: Luke Ebbin To: You, Hitman, Lemma 11:56a.m._  
Guys, Richie really is trying to work here.

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma, Luke Ebbin 11:56a.m._  
Sorry, Luke.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma, Luke Ebbin 11:57a.m._  
Sorry, Luke. Dave, STAY OFF THE INTERNET.

 _From: Lemma To: You, Dean, Hitman, Luke Ebbin 11:58a.m._  
How about I don't and say I did?

 _From: Hitman To: You, Dean, Lemma, Luke Ebbin 11:59a.m._  
Look out, ladies.

 _To: Dean, Hitman, Lemma, Luke Ebbin 12:00p.m._  
Sigh...

~END~


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